Decision Affliction

I believe in the hype of little things meaning a lot. A glance, a slight touch, a little gesture- are all important. But what's the underlying importance behind all that?  The importance of little bits and bursts of effort. 

Sometimes, after I get home from work, back from Ruby's walk and finally back home from my day, it's 9pm. I'm tired and hungry.  I go through phases of cooking many dishes and portioning them into 1-2 portion containers and freezing it so I always have something to eat at night.

But, sometimes, my stash runs out and I get stuck.

It's gets really annoying to me because I have to start deciding what it is I want to eat, get ingredients and spend time cooking. NOT HAPPENING. Those evenings really annoy me. If I'm not really hungry, I might just have some fruit or a bowl of cereal- it's classic and delicious and simple so why not. 

But, if I am hungry then I have decisions to make. I don't always have patience for those decisions and for me ordering in is more of a chore than a relief - it requires looking through loads of menus to decide what I want, noting that the minimum delivery order might require me ordering 2-3 huge meals and waiting at least an hour for delivery. By the time I decide what I want- so much time has gone by that the added hour of waiting would mean my dinner would only arrive at 11 and that is too late to eat a large meal that comes with delivery food.  This happens to me.....Every.Single.Time.

If you don't have the decision affliction that I do- then sure, ordering in once in a while is fine. Grilled meats or fish, loads of vegetarian options, everyone does low oil if you ask.  But- not really a good option for me. Back to the drawing board.

I can totally run downstairs where I have loads of options just around the corner, chummus, "home" cooking, delis, pizza, bakeries, cafes, sushi, Chinese.  I live on a great block. I can get around the culinary world in just 10 minutes-who really needs 80 days?  Arrggh, but same dilemma-decisions decisions. Takes me too long to decide. If I opt to run down to  pick up food, I just use my default option and hit up the chummus place- it's fresh and hot, comes with a finely chopped salad and pita. Delish, but chummus does require bread or chips or something to dip into it in order to get it to my mouth (cutlery has no place here). Fine, but again- not all the time. Arrgg. it's really annoying this decision affliction of mine.

Time for the little effort means a lot part. I force my lazy, indecisive ass up and into the kitchen. I take 3 tomatoes, 3 cucumbers, a can of chick peas-rinsed and a can of corn-rinsed (these are my always have on hand staples). Dump in bowl, add lemon, salt and olive oil (and cilantro if I am not too lazy to chop). And voila- 5 minutes of effort to make a really delicious, filling salad. Well 5 minutes and 1 hour hour if you include trying to decide where to go and what to eat.

Even the lady of the tray approves of my effort!

 

 

 I always end up feeling like Dorothy.  All along it was right there, in my own fridge. No Ruby slippers needed. (And I have the best Ruby anyway).......

Ruby of Oz- way better than any slippers.

Top 5 Foods

Went out to dinner with couple of friends last night. While we enjoyed some tasty burgers (minus the bottom of the bun for me-because I wanted some fries-moderation is the key) on the beaches of Tel Aviv, with our toes wriggling happily in the sand, we started chatting about a friend's recent trip to Paris and the French accent.  This reminded me of one of my favorite flicks 'Better Off Dead' with John Cusack. His quirky mom tries to make a French themed dinner complete with "franch fries and franch dressing" and I shared these giggly tidbits with KJ n AM.

Conversation naturally turned to John Cusack and other films we love him in, which in turn, turned to  'High Fidelity' another film I love (I really need to read the book too). Naturally, we started talking about one of the main themes of the movie- the top 5 lists. Anyway, long night short, dinner went on, we continued to relax on the beach enjoying the end of summer winds flying towards us with the cool freshness only the velocity of coming off the toss of waves can bring.

Ruby taking in some Vitamin D

This morning on my usual walk, Ruby decided, as she does each morning, to catch a 5 minute suntan on her taut belly. As she relished her roll on the the warm grass and settled into her 'catch some rays' position (where she stays blissfully content for 5 minutes), I had the thought that watching her do this was one of my top ten things to do as part of my daily routine. Which led me to last night's conversation, which led me to begin thinking about what my 'top 5 foods that I would not be able to live without' were.

TOP 5 FOODS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT.

1.Tomatoes - I eat them everyday in everyway.
Sometimes, when I'm hungry and cannot think of anything I want to eat or cook, I slice up 2-3 tomatoes (removing the seeds n pulp), sautee them in a 1/2 pat of butter, add a little salt and garnish with a little bit of parmesan cheese for a light and super delicious dinner. (It's also good over pasta and with spinach).

2.Freshly baked bread.
I realize that is specific, but that's my requirement. A simple piece of good bread, fresh and warm from the oven spread with a bit of good cheese and freshly sliced tomatoes. Gooooood.

3.Dark chocolate.
I don't eat chocolate everday. I really should (just a couple of squares). It's delicious and in small amounts, it's good for you. Nuff said.

4.apples/nectarines/figs/strawberries,bananas and grapes
I'm totally cheating here. I know it and you know it. Sigh. Fine--grapes. I couldnt live without grapes because they are my go to food. When I can't overcome my intrinsic need to pick, nibble and snack- I go to grapes, They are small, pickable, refreshing and relatively low in calories. I can only have so many grapes before I am full, they stop water retention, satisfy my sweet tooth, I can grab them and go with convenience, they are easily shared, are really good boiled down and used as a topping over other foods and in a pinch, I can ferment them into some tasty wine.

5.Chummus/Chick peas
I'm not vegetarian, but as mentioned before, aspire to be and think about it often. I do still eat meat-as mentioned that last night's dinner was a burger.  That said, I am careful not to eat meat very often- perhaps 1-2 times a month at the most, fish- slightly more more often.  But, the bulk of my diet is vegetarian. I think its better for the world and environment as a whole, am against the level of cruelty to the animals that sacrifice their lives for human consumption and are thanked with tortuous conditions and believe that if everyone would eat animals on a more moderate basis (not preaching vegetarianism, just better treatment and appreciation) the demand we could create for better lives and living conditions for the animals would benefit the world and the animals that were consumed would be healthier for the people consuming them (no mad cow from vegetarians forced to eat meat causing gene mutations....karma people, karma). Whew. Ok. It's my blog and I'll soapbox if I want to.

Chick peas are totally delicious, packed with protein and iron, good for skin and hair, are super filling and fry up super well into protein packed balls called falafel. Naughty and nice= win win food.

(Top 5 condiments - salt, sugar, olive oil, butter,cinnamon)

What are your top 5 foods you couldn't live without? Inquiring minds (mine) want to know.

So hot / So cold

It's hot. Like. Africa hot. That's a line from the movie Biloxi Blues, uttered by a young Matthew Broderick, huffing along the desert in his army gear (It's also a pretty good movie). Except for the fact that I actually live in Africa/ Asia (whichever side you choose to define where the coutry of Israel resides) and it is HOT. Even when it isn't burning hot- it's wet and damp.  Jeans are an impossibility and half the time, it's feels too hot to eat.

On the other hand, when sitting inside freezing offices or restaurants or your apartment- it gets so cold (thank you-oh inventor of the ac), that you might be convinced you need to eat more to warm you back up as you do in the winter.  Last year that happened to me a lot. 

This year- I decided to keep my windows open most of the time with a fan on and put the ac on at night when the desert really heats up.  I work from home a couple of days a week and of course- Ruby is home all day, so fresh air and bright light are imperative.  The bonus to this- aside from a lower electric bill, is the fact that- my appetite has decreased exponentially.  Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I ate 3 times in one day and I was pretty surprised when I realized that. I just can't. In the morning I get an iced coffee and grab a cold nectarine or other juicy fruit and eat it mid morning. Somedays I eat lunch, sometimes I grab a few whole wheat light crackers and slice up a cucumber and tomato, sometimes, I am just so hot I end up drinking glass after glass of water to cool down and then just feel way to full to eat.  Dinner I do eat- usually a cold salad and some sauteed tofu or eggs or a small chicket breast.  I keep what I am eating healthy, but eating and food- in this weather feels like more of a forced effort than not.

It might sound a little weird to some or like I am purposely not eating. Totally not the case. All the rules say we should eat 3-5 meals a day (3 larger or 5-6 smaller).  I agree to that to an extent. The otherside of it is eating when you are hungry.  I don't mean- starve purposely all day and then stuff face at night until you fall into a food coma. I mean- if you need to skip a meal here and there- it's ok. The body won't think you are starving yourself.  Don't not eat anything-but listen to your body.
-How often do you confuse hunger and thirst? Most people who need to lose weight, I think, make the mistake pretty often.
-How often do you eat because it is a designated mealtime even though your aren't hungry?often we do sort of coast by mealtimes in a state of routine rather than one of hunger or thirst or need.

Anyone else notice these ebbs and flows in eating habits or the zoning out of mealtimes?

Just something that's been on my mind....

As American as Apple Pie

So lately, for no good reason, I have some serious cravings for apple pie, apple cake, apple crisp. Why? no idea. Maybe I'm feeling nostalgic as it was the 4th of July. Who knows.

It's really not apple pie/cake/pastry or crisp season here AT ALL. Summer in in full throttle in Tel Aviv and even though the most intense heat has not yet hit- it is hot-as in way too hot to hit the beach midday if you value your skin and don't want a red zebra stripe going down your scalp in the part of your hair.

Theses apple dishes are simply not part of this season and there aren't even that many to buy here- as Israel doesn't import fruits and vegetables.  Our agriculture is so rich, we mostly export what we grow and we eat the crops of each season. I eat loads of fruits of vegetables and my current kicks are the green, crisp grapes that are so sweet and refreshing as well as tons and tons of carrots, beets, nectarines and lemons. So, I am not chalking up this craving to any particular vitamin my body is seeking from the apple- just a good old fashioned head want.

I know I could make a mini apple pie or an apple crisp but, I really don't feel like baking. As it is, I spent 3 hours on Friday cooking up a storm. I made- roasted salmon with garlic, cilantro, salt and lemon; cod fillet with olive oil, fleur de sel, lemon and a touch of butter; spinach and baby peas mixed with more cilantro (I bought a huge bunch), lemon and quinoa; sauteed green beans with roasted tomatoes; a tomato, cilantro and spicy pepper salad and roasted spaghetti squash. All so yum.

Anyway- after all that cooking- I got lazy. I wanted something simple and effortless which is near impossible without going to a restaurant. Cafe's here don't make apple pie like they do in NY, like Chef Jessica or like my bubbe.  So after an entire weekend craving getting stronger and stronger, I went to the market. I found all sorts of gross items-like prepackaged cakes with fake apple flavoring-even the pictures of the cake inside the wrapping were gross.

Plain apples-I know- but they weren't the craving--I did buy a couple and considered baking them with cinnamon and a little bit of red wine- but again, effort and the hot oven.  I continued my search and am ashamed to admit--I wished for one frozen box of Sara Lee pre packed pie full of chemicals- that is how the strong the craving got-as there is no way I would ever buy that in the states.

Getting annoyed and frustrated- I decided to refocus my efforts to chocolate, but alas- all the rows of chocolately goodness were utterly lost on me. I search for apple confiture-to maybe add onto a tea biscuit- store was out. Now I was pissed, I would have taken out some mini frozen pancakes from the freezer and slice up and sauttee one of the apples. Until I remembered that when my freezer broke- I had to empty the contents and haven't made a new batch. ARRGGH. annoying. There was NO way I was cooking again, I already finished my kitchen time and I am not a lover of doing dishes.

I decided to see what was frozen- something that might calm the apple beast withing.  I noticed frozen pancakes - huge ones- almost as big as the ones that crushed the houses in the book "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and even though they were tempting- a single pancake was 250 calories (huge!). Then ......I saw them. Blintzes (crepes). Stuffed with apples......no way. I grabbed the box and read the ingredients- apples as the first ingredient!!!, lemon, citric accent, sugar (not corn syrup!) stuffed into a plain crepe dough made of salt, flour and water. Each one was 100 calories and 5 bites worth. I cannot explain how happy I was with this little discovery.

It was perfect. Sometimes- we just have to have exactly what we want in a small amount and that is that. Craving satiated and gone.

From paunchy puppy to willowy wolf

So- back in February, I started tracking Ruby's weight.  She was up to 20 Kilo.  I promised to add in some progress reports for her as I believe that weight and obesity runs within familial units- as a rule of thumb.  Since I was responsible for the gain, I am also responsible for the weight loss. My vet, recommended that Ruby not lose more than 1/2 a kilo per month, max.  It's a good lesson- no crash dieting for animals-it's very dangerous for their overall balance and well being.

The truth is- is that crash dieting always ends with a crash of epic proportions- slowing the metabolism, causing roller coaster emotions and patching bad eating habits half hazardly 'til they burst back into jeans that will simply not button up.

Waiting for our morning run

So- as mentioned, I kept to my word of taking Ruby on a larger variety of activity.  In the mornings,- I take her to a field of grass and we run, play tug of war with a bone, fetch with a ball, etc.  I take her to the dog park to socialize, I take her to the dog beach to run in the sand and play in the ocean, around the track in the park- and pretty much anywhere I can.  I am lucky-because I live right across the street from a lush green park and a ten minute stroll to the beach and Tel Aviv is one of the most dog friendly cities I have ever been to.but you can walk, jog or run with your pets anywhere (except the middle of the day when it is far too hot for their little paw pads and they should be kept safely at home to avoid heatstroke).

Ruby pooped after our run (hugging my shoes like a teddy bear)

I noticed that Ruby seemed to look a bit smaller and since she had some allergies, pulled a muscle and got scratched by a little kitten I found and took home for a couple of days- over the last few months, I have seen my vet a little more than I would have liked; but, I was able to weigh Ruby more often to gage her progress. Last week- at the vet, Ruby weighed in a a svelte 17.6 kilo!She can still go as low as 16kilo but overall her progress has been unsurprising but very satisfying.

Little less food and a lot more activity has shown that the best options are slow, steady, healthy and way more conducive to a good mood and healthy puppy! And owner!

Are you really STRUGGLING with your weight?

What does struggling with weight mean?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word "struggle" as a verb meaning-

1-to make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition 

2-to proceed with difficulty or with great effort  

I know so many people who constantly declare their lifelong struggle with weight.  But what they define as struggle is very different than the aforementioned definition.

I have seen people discuss how no matter what they do, they cannot lose weight.  I have heard them say this while they are eating an extra helping of bread and butter, a bag of M&M's or an extra slice of pizza.  Or, when eating a salad loaded with dressing and croutons. And sometimes, while not eating anything at all -but, I’ve seen their cabinets at home; and all the empty ice cream or take out containers in their trash, squashed and shoved deep inside-as if to “forget” what is actually being consumed. 

I know. I was there once too, before I faced the tribunal of myself in the mirror and admitted the truth.  That is where the struggle actually began- when I began making strenuous effort. Not before.

What I see is less actual struggling -"strenuous effort"-and more of the lamenting over the difficulty of actually taking action or making the effort.  I think more of the struggle is over what we do not do, not over what we do.  

Sure, there are people with actual health issues-low thyroid, metabolic issues and other health issues that might impede weight loss. I'm also not referring to people on welfare and food stamps who are in terribly unfortunate circumstances of buying higher fat items that are filling enough to help them get through the days-I'm not talking about those trying to survive.

But the majority of people who "struggle" with their weight- they aren't really struggling with their weight. What they seem to be struggling with is authority and truth- they want to do what they want and how they want- but still want the same results without the efforts others have to take; Sometimes it comes from lack of education about food and nutrition; sometimes it is of being overwhelmed by all the mixed messages and just not knowing exactly where or how to get started;  Breakfast (change one meal at a time) and Slowly (baby steps, one at a time).  

Once in a while-I also fall back into that mindset.  Once in a while- I forget that I am not 220lbs (even though it was over 15 years ago that I was) and I feel frustrated with making these efforts-sometimes, I just want to relax and eat what I want, when I want, without thinking about it. My head goes back the the rebellious, pre-struggle days; and once and a while I do it; I will sit back and relax, watch a movie and eat a Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough. And it tastes so damn good.

And about 5 minutes into it, I feel so, so sick, nauseated, bloated and a little grossed out at myself. A couple of scoops would have offered the same pleasure for a lot less nausea and a lot less time working out or cutting other calories to balance the overdose of B&J. And I immediately remember, once again, why the word “NO” is a much more magical word than “please”.  I literally have to re-teach myself a lesson. That is called maintenance. Constant evolution, reminding myself of the better version of and going forward even with a brief obstacle- that I am more than well equipped to bypass.

There are a lot more “NO’s”  that I have to tell myself – although, I am proud that at this point, I have already retrained myself to say no before these types of overindulgence and or have lost the desire to fill myself with lesser quality items that give so little back to my body in terms of health and wellness.  Because that part was the struggle. 

And, when I go to the park- every single day- I see tons of people running, boating on the lake, heading towards the gym--and most of these people-look great.  So what does that mean?  These elusive fit people- perhaps they aren't in need of losing weight. But they are the ones making a "strenuous effort" (I know, I can smell it if I am standing downwind from all the man sweat).  These people were either lucky to be born and grow without weight issues, or people who have conquered them or people starting out and taking on the struggle.  Either way- these people all seem to understand the point:

Maintaining it is just effort, which is the very easy version of struggle. That’s the real goal. 

                                                                                  

                                                                                            

It's a love-hate thing

I was never wholly free in my body. Growing up- I developed into a biological woman by the time I was 9.  When I was born, my breast buds were already developed- that means I was NEVER flat chested. Not ever.  Physically- I never felt similar to other people my own age- and I was one year ahead in school which made me seem even more developed at a younger age.  I learned to wear bathing suits instead of bras to cover and semi support my burgeoning bust without getting teased too much. Anything to avoid the boys pulling at my bra straps ("two mountains" was my 4th grade-given moniker).

And, I constantly looked at magazines- with their glossy, perfect looking models- this was 10-15-even 20 years ago and only the industry "knew" about airbrushing.  I didn't know lines on faces were normal- seriously.  I thought something was wrong with my face. I didn't know that some women, heavy or thin might get stretch marks on their breasts from growing quickly, or that skin wasn't really peaches and cream with a sun kissed glow on everyone.  Also- there were NEVER any short models. Everyone was very tall and very thin.  So to me, being short was being abnormal.

A few years later, most of my friends were tall and thin. Not as tall and think as the models, but tall and thin nonetheless.  I was short- and very overweight.

When I started losing weight- it was a re-education not only of food-which was paramount to my success but of course, the re-education of normal, of what my body could and couldn't do-a balance between limitations (I cannot reach anything and I cannot grow any taller no matter how much I will it) and pure freedom (I can run and have all my limbs, no diseases- I'm healthy and that's precious).

Of course- now, I see tons of bodies, all different types of bodies in various states of undress.  Non American TV has many more regular/natural looking actors on screen. So- the notion of normal all of a sudden had a much wider range to compare and contrast.  That helps a lot also. Only over the past 5 years, in moving to a beach/vacation country with bathing suits and bodies on display almost all year round and having gotten sick for a while- have I ever come to terms, found a deep and profound respect and really fallen in love with my body and what normal is to me. For me.

It's been a real evolution.  For example, when I (very rarely) drink and had one too many, the following morning-I cannot drink water or juice. It makes me nauseas.  I prefer a glass of chocolate milk.  Ewww- sounds disgusting? But for me, it's an antidote. It's cool, refreshing and coats my stomach while adding a little bit of sugar.  No chocolate milk or regular milk with a bit of sugar? Then I'm down for the count and I'm going to be in bed a little longer feeling sick.  That's just how I roll.

When I workout- no matter what I do- my arms are the last to show any results. Why? No idea- annoying and frustrating- but that's my body.

I know that if I eat an entire NY bagel- I will need to take a nap for a couple of hours.  Years later- this is know as 'gluten sensitivity'-but- I didn't really need a medical expert to give a name and thus approval to something I already knew.  Actually- this in particular fascinated me as most of my taller, thinner friends needed to start their day with a bagel or cereal or some carb to make it through the day- whereas I always felt better with plain fruit at first and then an hour or so later- some oatmeal or other breakfast.  Different body types seem to need different levels of fuels.

I actually ate tuna sandwiches everyday for lunch for 2 years.  I craved it non stop. For me- tuna and other fish- it is pretty magical for me- health wise.  For some it's steak. Other- donuts.  But this was what my body demanded.

So, when I started taking birth control pills- I felt my body change immediately.   I felt all of my normal go out the window.  Doctors said it was an adjustment period but I felt that I knew better.  Doctors argued that I lived in a new country- with a new culture, different stresses, different; water, food and sun.  I needed to drink more and stay calm.- that was the majority of the advice. Now- everything they mentioned was very true- but that wasn't good enough for me- bc even with all those factors- what was happening to me didn't add up- and it was spiraling downward faster and faster. (fyi- still think it should be a requirement to test for clotting issues before given a BC script...)

More than a year and a half of not being myself and feeling more and more sick- turns out I was right- the experts were wrong.  Bc know one knows what your normal is but you.  While I got healthier and stronger- I also had to get to know my own normal again. 

I learned that my body -for some reason-stopped- or was unable to absorb iron and now- it can but -certain times of the month, I have to increase my daily 100mg to 200-300mg or I get so tired- I won't have the energy to wash my hair. I know that once a month (I'm not vegetarian but aspire to be so I don't eat a lot of meat)- I will have an intense craving for a burger or salted meats. Some months-I can ignore it and go for fresh chummus for 3-4 days straight and be wholly satisfied, but some months the cravings win and nothing but a burger will get me through.  I can skip the cookies, cakes and chips. But meat it must be.

I know that I feel better when I work out- as do most people. I know I'm not a morning person- that even though I wake up smiling and love to cuddle with Ruby in the morning and walk her -I have no patience to get revved up and sweaty in the morning- that my favorite time to workout is during the "after lunch" slump- 2/3pm.   That might not be the most realistic time- but I make it work for me bc I have to. That hour is the hour I lose concentration and need a break to stretch and revitalize my brain.  Then I get tons more work done. I hate sitting through an entire work day bc my mind gets bored and stuck. (I really think offices should have a mandatory 1 hour gym break with a gym in every office.  Removes tension and stress- mentally and physically- most people work more than 8/9 hours a day and then commute. Very few take an hour lunch break.  A gym break would be so beneficial.  That's my thought though. Based on my normal of course.)

I know if I keep a bottle and a glass of water near all my seating areas- I will drink tons of water and not much else.  But, I know if I don't-I won't drink any water at all.  That's me and the tricks I use to "parent" my own behavior

That's why we have so many fads diets. A group of people who might have a similar normal will try one thing and it will work for them. Just my opinion because nothing except diet and exercise-in the perfect balance and combination (for you), will ever work for everyone.

So- what makes your snowflake so you?